After
we'd waited an hour for her lamb chops, she declared war in a way
Californians understand: she lit a cigarette and exhaled
vigorously. "This will bring food racing to us," she
said, dark eyes snarling. "Plain sweetness is so tiresome,
and there's a lot of it here. I've toned down my irony, but I
don't want to be bland to the point of oblivion." We waited,
and waited. "Maybe this is a mythical lunch - order and leave
before it's served."
She
fretted about her King Charles Spaniel, Emily, languishing in
her car with its number plate, SAB, a reminder of the £20,000
a week that brought her to Hollywood as Sable in Dynasty
seven years ago and allowed her to fulfil one of her ambitions.
"When I was 21, I watched a woman park a white Mercedes in
Finchley Road and resolved that when I was 40 I'd own one."
Success has allowed other luxuries, including a house in Malibu.
"At first I didn't want Hollywood to go to my head. Then I
said, 'Stephanie, if you don't let this experience change you,
it's a waste.' So the house states, in an American way, that I
had become successful. It was tragic egotism, a strange delusion
of grandeur but, hell's bells, it was a wonderful death blow to
the guilt I feel for living, let alone being successful. There's
a lot of convent girl still in me."
Still
no food, and she had a carful of scripts to read. She's just
completed a mini-series of Danielle Steel's Secrets, one
of those all-star-cast melodramas, usually full of schlock and
unintended laughs. "You have to be careful, otherwise they
collapse under you like a wobbly chair. In order to avoid the
really cloying moments you need a strong bullshit detector and a
sense of humour. The trick is to speed it up. Danielle is
delicious - seven children, a stomach as flat as a board, and
she adores her baubles of success. Well done that woman! I'm not
going to sneer. I'm going to learn from her."
At
last her chops arrived. She ordered an espresso and added: "I
have so much fun in my work - that's not to say I'm turning
Scorsese away in favour of Movie Of The Week, but Glenn and
Meryl come first you know. My master plan, hah hah hah, was to
make a transition to films, but I didn't take into account the
recession. I haven't been enormously ambitious, so haven't
suffered enormous rejection. I'm wondering if now isn't the time
to do something else, but the work I'm interested in doesn't
keep the kids in school. I do art for abused children - you feel
wonderful when you've given a hug, had a hug. I'm a bit of a
gypsy. When school fees are over, mother will be off on a big
wander - perhaps to a houseboat in Kashmir. I'm open to any
possibility. The LA patch will come to an end."
In
1987 she said she wouldn't stay for more than another five
years. "I was deeply happy to come here although you get
totally mindless after a while. The BBC World Service reception
is hopeless where I live so you cling, as if in wartime, to a
crackly radio. I haven't done any ironing since I've been here
because it needs cricket commentary. Gloria, the maid, does it,
so one isn't entirely crumpled." Risking a Politically
Incorrect remark, I said how wonderful she looked in her white
two-piece. Easy to understand how she attracts men a decade
younger, like former lover Steve Silver, a cameraman. "Joan
(Collins] asked, 'Who's that?' and I said, 'That's what's
keeping me happy. She replied, 'Boys are easy to find in this
town. It's men that are difficult.'" When the relationship
ended, Steve exulted publicly that Stephanie's breasts "defy
gravity and are the real thing."
She
paused when her coffee arrived, then sighed. "I know the
poor rat got trapped into saying that, but it made me cry. I
mean, poo-ey! From now on I'm not talking about my private life."
Her teenage daughter. Phoebe and Chloe [by actor John McEnery]
are at school in England. "On a daily basis, I thank God
for them and I'm proud that the shape of my nose or whatever,
has been good enough for me to be employed expensively so I've
coped with all their financial needs. I wish they still wanted
me to buy their knickers, but they regard me as the pet dog -
pat it to keep it happy. I'd like more children. Babies fall
naturally into my arms. Ask about my talent as an actress and I
can't say. But give me a baby with colic and I'd calm it better
than most."
She
said she'd tried Annishirin Dishirin Buddhism but can't get
through the gonglios (prayers). "It seems silly to pray in
Japanese. I've learned to nurture and accept. Life is pretty
jolly wonderful and can end jolly soon. I wanted to leave here
early, but what is, is. You have to come to terms. If I've said
anything this lunch time, that's it."
